23-Oct-2016
03:34 AM
Friday
Oh my god. Now this is exciting. Writing after more than one and a half year since my last post. Well, not exactly, I've been writing now on a regular basis. Yeah, who would've thought haan?
I'm still trying to process why all of my blogs were such lame examples of teenage drama. Not that its gotten over anyway, but damn! Things have sure changed alot.
Choosing to post an entry at this point of time is certainly an obvious characteristic of me. Spontaneity. I run on this fuel, you should know that. People come and go, some people even come back after they go and some never do. The latter has never been a part of my experience as a very keenly observing human being, but now I think it would be.
I'd like to put some closure to the last entry I put up here. I didn't make a mountain out of a molehill because that particular person really changed the way I look at life now. A lot of consequences of that choice are yet to be dealt with but let's just say, I'm up for whatever life throws at me now.
I desired for something, I got that something and then I gave up that something. Was I fool for giving up something I once craved? May be. But for all I know now, it was essential for me to let go at that time and I'm proud of myself for doing it.
I'm a slow adapter, I learn quick for sure but my adjustment speed is far slower than any average human being. I sob and I sob and the repetitions go on up until I do something more stupid. I actually wreck havoc of my own life, but it's like I love falling in those storms. I love that nakedness of a soul when it is struggling through its hardest times. I don't know why but I really think that I attract brokenness.
A person leaving shouldn't change you. That's what they say. But, how would I ever grow if I don't change. I was spiralling in a world of hopelessness for a long while now, on some level of my subconscious mind, I still think I am. But what kind of life would I be leading if I'm empty of that one thing that binds this whole world?
Holding onto that piece or droplet of hope I have. Trying to think I could leave my mark on this world. I could change my life and I could change a few other lives. Hopefully make this world a better place, for all my wisdom has been a gift of the world itself.
Will continue these random thoughts some other time as well.
Goodnight, to whoever who stumbled accidentally on my blog.
