To gain your heart's desire.

4:07 PM
22nd July 2014
Tuesday

This is not really my ideal time to post a blog entry but its getting harder for me to keep this inside and I need an outlet, & what's better than writing it? I mean I love writing. Yeah, sure, people don't particularly enjoy reading it, but then again since when did I care about people.

This entry is related to my last entry. I've been on a roller coaster of emotions ever since realized what are emotions. I get too close, or I'm in solitary. Either way I stay on the extreme ends of emotional spectrum. Well, that's me! But this particular someone forced me to stay in between these extremities of emotional spectrum, in other words, to be normal. Now, I tell you being normal isn't easy because I've been abnormal for a major portion of my life. But I did it. I waited. Controlled my damned emotions from overflowing.

Its been months since I started being with this particular person. Different, charming, adorable and most of all generous. Too much generous. Carelessly generous. Never ever did anything to hurt me. And today I did the biggest of all. I hurt him. I was scared. Didn't know how to end things with someone. Never did. Always been the "dumped" person. How can I end things without hurting, its collateral! I had to figure a way out. But no matter what I tried today, just to make it go smoother, things went that only that worse. And it just ended. There. I gave up, in my senses, the one thing that I just desired more than anything a few months ago. I don't know. And now I feel George Bernard. I really do. I wrote it. In my blog. I guess a year ago. Can't believe I actually got to experience it! Life is so wise, man. Just like master Oogway. I love Oogway, man.

And that said, I would wind up with this entry with obviously this, there are two tragedies in life, one is to lose your heart's desire and other is to gain it. And I sure as hell gained mine.

PS : I cleared second sem without any graces. My happiness is beyond the scope of this entry :P

& this one is not about the Maths exam

2:42 AM
25-05-2014
Sunday

You can obsesses over something for a good portion of your life, and obsession is a crazy thing to begin with. I have recently been obsessing over someone for quite a while now and just in an enormous manner. "I knew you were trouble when you walked in", but I just didn't care. You seem to make me forget everything. How I ended up here is a mystery to me. With your enigmatic smile and charming talks, I fell for you immediately. Not sure how you fell for me? But may be life doesn't always gives you lemons. That's how I feel.

And now I have my maths exam tomorrow and you know how maths exams freak me out. I'm just not sure, how to deal with your lifestyle. We are two different poles. You know how it feels when you get what you want, you just can't seem to hold it together. You can practically see it slipping right out of your hands. I'm much more than confused here. I just don't know what to do.

Perhaps, studies are the solution to everything, as my tutor once said.

Gah! Goodnight!

The "Juno" Effect

29th March 2014
0022hours
Saturday

Its weekend. Its weekend! Always grateful to my college for not scheduling any classes on weekends. Thumbs up, BVCOE. But a new year has started. So many changes, and I assure you none of them were my "NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS".

I'm the worst at NY resolutions. I just can't think of any except what my, lets see, I think 7th grade tutor suggested me which were, "I will improve my communication skills and I will not eat junk food". Well that's off the table since I'm old enough to know that she was infact judging me for the fact that I was a chubby little kid who was taking communication lessons. That was so not cool man.

Anyways, changes are pretty evident in my opinion. But this entry has some interesting relation to this movie, Juno, I saw almost a fortnight ago. I really really enjoyed the movie. Finely written finely acted. But the Juno effect didn't appear until last night, when I was about to go to sleep and I randomly decided to watch the movie again. I didn't realize I felt asleep during the movie until the next morning I woke up. And when I woke up, I was glad that I woke up. The dream was completely as the movie was, except a teeny change where Juno MacGuff was infact, yes right, me and not gorgeous Ellen Page. Also there were little bit of change in characters with my parents in place of Juno's parents etc etc. Gosh! Unlike Juno I was a freak show of a person under that situation, completely mad. Losing my mind acting like a chicken, yes a chicken. I mean I could never handle underage pregnancy. Also you know its not the same here, in India. I mean its ALOT different. To describe it in words is unbelievably hard for me. Oh alright. I see it. Gotta improve my communication skills. Well! What can I say? In the words of Alice Cooper "I'm eighteen and I don't know what I want."

Goodnight Goodfellas

PS I'm sleepy